


the five stages of grief, as they pertain to love

by ricecrispbees



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Emotional Repression, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Nonbinary Character, Other, Tags will be updated as we go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-03 22:09:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21186773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ricecrispbees/pseuds/ricecrispbees
Summary: Uriel has fallen madly in love with the Archangel Michael. It started as a minor infatuation at first, but over time everything snowballed out of control so quickly she lost sight of what to do about it.To make matters worse, angels aren't even supposed to fall in love in the first place! It's all so much for her to handle on her own, since the way of confidants she doesn't have many people to turn to. Unfortunately for her, however, things get a lot worse when she learns the hard way that Gabriel was not the one she should have trusted with her secret.





	1. denial

**Author's Note:**

> ok so there's literally No content for these two (the ship name for them i've coined is gayngels, do with that what you will) so i'm taking one for the team and writing my favorite nb lesbian angels falling in love. 
> 
> currently this fic doesnt have a rating bcus i dont wanna spoil what happens 
> 
> anyway. pls enjoy.

Uriel was frightened.

Heaven had developed a number of strict rules for how to conduct oneself over the years. Everything down to proper speech when speaking casually with another angel had regulations and restrictions, which had been ingrained into everyone’s daily lives since the great rebellion that caused a good half of all the angels to Fall. The idea of something so awful happening again terrified everyone in Heaven, and so, being at the top of the angelic hierarchy, the Archangels decided to implement a new social system in response.

They, like the rest of Heaven, had been scared, vulnerable, and hurting, especially after losing a member of their own status to Hell. The recent banishment of Adam and Eve from the garden certainly wasn’t much of a help, either, and the four of them knew something had to be done. Their fear was enough to make their solution seem a bit restrictive in hindsight, but they’d all justified it with the idea that the more constrictive and tidy everything was, the more everyone else would have to try and conform to fit their standards. It would be easier to weed out those who did not belong in Heaven that way. 

Obviously there were bans and restrictions on many of the sins mentioned in the Bible, and in fact if one wanted a general idea of the unspoken social rules of Heaven all they had to do was skim through that. Do not lie, do not steal, do not sleep with one another , and most importantly of all, remain good pure within the eyes of the Lord. Standard stuff as far as religious morals went.

In addition to these principles, however, angels were expected to conduct themselves professionally at all hours of the day with everyone they encountered . Socializing outside of business purposes was frowned upon, and in fact most social behaviors unrelated to work were as well. If one were to shake hands with another angel as a formality it was fine, but holding their hand for even a second too long would be perceived as rudeness. Friendliness was allowed, and in fact heavily encouraged amongst the angel population, but it was deemed inappropriate to forge bonds any deeper than shallow comradeship. It was a very fine line to walk upon, but Uriel was confident that as one of the biggest adherents of the standards, she had nothing to worry about.

However, there had been a number of moments throughout the course of the world’s history during which she found herself deviating from the confines of these rules. She’d always done her best to correct herself on these small social slip-ups whenever she could, hastily apologizing whenever it was appropriate, but there were a number of times where she simply couldn’t bring herself to apologize for the circumstances of it all were far too embarrassing. She hated those moments, those subliminal fuck-ups that made her feel like she was a terrible angel. Gabriel, however, had given her some wonderful advice on how to handle such a matter when she asked him about it; “repress those feelings and suddenly no one, including yourself, will ever remember it happened.”

It worked, and for that she was very grateful.

  
  


_ one: denial _

The first incidence of it had been all the way back in Eden.

Uriel, the newly appointed guardian of the Western Gate, had very little free time on her hands for petty things like socializing with the other angels. That was generally how the other Archangels spent their time, with one another, even if didn’t involve doing much of anything at all. Gabriel was the worst of the bunch, chatting it up with anyone not currently burdened with some task or another. He was much more social and pleasant to be around back then, if a little annoying . In contrast, Uriel was a bit more of a lone wolf, preferring to spend her breaks on these days alone lounging about on the floor of the garden. It was a lovely place, she had to admit, almost as interesting as Heaven was back then. On this day she laid out beneath a broad elephant-ear leaf, absently looking up at the wall bordering this place. The sun shined down on her, warming her with her numerous braids acting almost as a pillow . Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Michael standing atop their side of the Gates, and couldn’t help but stare.

Michael, back then, was of a more masculine form. Their hair was still quite long, tied back in a low bun more often than not, and their robes wrapped around their corporation in such a way that it exposed a single pec. A fashionably masculine look for a fashionably masculine being, Uriel thought. They were perched on the edge of the gate, broad white wings spread behind them as they gazed thoughtfully into the distance. The sight of them like this, so relaxed and natural and  _ lovely _ , made something in Uriel’s chest stir. Her heart felt funny all of a sudden and she didn’t like it much, though there was also an inexplicably sweet feeling that came along with it. It intensified when Michael turned their head to look down at the garden, revealing their sun-reddened face and loosening their bun, and Uriel scrambled behind a tree in hopes of avoiding their gaze. It occurred to her suddenly that she had been staring, and even though the other angel likely hadn’t noticed, it was still considered a breach of etiquette. Ashamed of herself, Uriel did not come down to that part of the garden again after that.

  
  
  


Again came the feelings of affection when the Almighty had so graciously gifted the Earth with the Great Flood.

Uriel was perched upon the very tip of a mountain that was now submerged in stormwater. Inches away from her feet, she could see fish swimming beneath the water as rain continued to fall endlessly. Her body was soaked even as she held her wings over herself, but she didn’t mind. There was something calming about the rain, and so she let herself soak in it until she felt a presence at her side. 

“Uriel.” Michael stood on the surface of the water a few feet away, looking down at her with an amused smile. “What are you doing all the way down here? There’s too many souls to sort into our domain or Hell’s for you to just be sitting around like this.”

Uriel looked back up at them. Of course, the flood had killed off nearly the whole of the human population, and many of them were going to be stuck on Heaven’s side posthumously. “Well, I just figured I’d see how things were going down here. I wonder, if we were to swim downwards from here, how long would it take to reach what was once the ground?”

Michael scoffed. “Don’t try to distract me. I’m sure it would take a while, though.” In the next moment their eyes went wide and they pointed into the water. “Woah! Look at the size of that goldfish!”

Uriel laughed. “And you said I’d distract you!” She saw the fish they were talking about and tried to get a better view of it. “Good Lord! It’s huge!”

“Biggest one of those I’ve seen in awhile.” The pair leaned further in to get a better look at the fish as it swam through the murky stormwater. It was indeed massive for a goldfish, its body at least two feet long and bright orange in color. It was seemingly the only form of color in the murky landscape ahead of them.

“How pretty.” Uriel murmured. It was at that moment she realized she’d unconsciously moved closer to Michael enough to make their shoulders touch. It was strange but not unpleasant, and it made her feel incredibly flushed. She looked up at Michael, who stared back with a slightly uncomfortable look on their face.

“You’re a bit close,” they remarked and Uriel immediately backed off.

“I apologize for making you uncomfortable!” She blurted the standard apology phrase on instinct. “I think we should go back up to Heaven now.”

The other Archangel nodded, not looking her directly in the face. “Yes, let’s.”

Uriel deliberately avoided Michael for quite a long time after that.

  
  
  


The next time had been much later, during the eleventh century. Religion, specifically Christianity, was really beginning to hit it off in Europe, and so the Archangels were especially busy with field work lately. Tasks like keeping church ground holy and keeping the most important of clergymen pure through and through were usually the doings of the higher-ups, and for one particular task that was exactly what Uriel and Michael had set off to do.

It was actually Gabriel who had put her up to it. Normally, she would have taken the assignment on her own, but he’d insisted Michael should go with her just in case everything got to be too much for one angel to handle. Uriel still burnt up with embarrassment every time she remembered the incident during the Great Flood, and as such had taken great pains to avoid Michael up until then, but because they didn’t seem to harbor any animosity toward her when they met again she felt a bit less anxious about working with them.

The setting was a quaint little village in Germany in which a particularly strong demonic presence had been detected. Sure enough, upon arriving in the yard of the tiny village church, she and Michael found themselves face-to-face with a pair of demons she had not seen since before they’d Fallen.

“Well!” Ligur sneered, arms crossed over his chest. “Been a hot minute since I last saw  _ you _ .” Beside him, leaning back against a dingy old well, Hastur looked equally unhappy to see them.

Michael and Uriel looked at one another. With the flick of a wrist, the former miracled it so none of the humans nearby would take notice of the brawl that was about to go down. The latter then sneered back at him and summoned to hand a bolt of lightning. With another flick of the wrist, the lightning struck the ground inches away from Hastur’s feet and the demons scrambled behind a nearby well for cover.

“I understand,” Michael reached around the back of the well and plucked Hastur up by the back of his coat, “that you two menaces are responsible for the rise in heresy here lately.”

Hastur spat at them. “And what if we are?”

Michael did not take kindly to being spat on, especially by a demon, and their ensuing rage gave them enough strength to suplex Hastur hard enough to leave a crack in the ground below.

“Shit!” Ligur’s eyes went wide at the sight of the massive fissure Michael’s attack left in the earth. The Archangel picked themselves back up unscathed, kicking Hastur down when he tried to follow suit. “Oh, no, you don’t!”

Ligur swung a fist at Michael but they ducked just in time to avoid it. Hastur, however, took the opportunity to kick the angel in the back of the knees, making them fall on their rear with a graceless ‘thud’. Uriel tried to charge at Ligur, but he saw her coming from the corner of his eye and managed to stop her by grabbing her upper arms and pushing back. Uriel tried to keep moving forward, grabbing hold of Ligur’s arms in return and pushing forward with all her body strength, but it was no use. The two were equal in strength and so found themselves caught in an equilibrium, one Ligur broke a few seconds later. He pulled her forward and let go of one arm, striking her in the nose with his palm.

“Where’s your weapons, O Holy Ones?” Hastur asked mockingly, blocking a kick to the face from Michael. “I thought you’d at least have a sword on you both!”

“You should be  _ grateful _ \--” Michael grunted, bringing the heel of her other foot down against Hastur’s nose, “That we’ve not brandished our weapons yet, or you’d be dead where you stood!”

“Right!” Hastur tried to laugh but choked on a mouthful of demonic blood.

Uriel, meanwhile, wasn’t getting by so easily with her opponent. Ligur had her arms pinned behind her back, his grip like iron against her, and she struggled even to land a few kicks to his legs to get him to relent.

“You won’t get away with this!” She warned, turning to spit in Ligur’s face. She missed, unfortunately, and the demon took great delight in that.

“Rest assured, Archangel, we  _ will _ .” He grinned, his grip on her arms tightening enough to draw blood from where the nails met skin, “We always do .”

And with that, he shoved her forward into the cold stone wall of the church. Her face made contact with a brutal crack, no doubt the sound of her corporation’s nasal cartilage shattering from the impact, and she heard the sound of Michael gasping in horror. There was a ringing in her ears now and it was damn near impossible to hear whatever else was going on between the other three.

‘Damn these human bodies!’ She cursed, muting the throbbing and screaming of the nerves all throughout her head. ‘They’re far too fragile for stuff like this…’

Weakly, she rolled over onto her back and saw Hastur and Ligur were ganged up against Michael, the former now brandishing a chain wrapped about his knuckles. The latter brought to hand a bright ball of hellfire with a wicked grin. Uriel saw for a second a flash of fear in the other Archangel’s eyes as they processed their opponent’s stances, but they quickly put on a brave face.

“Hellfire? Really?” Michael scoffed as if even a tiny amount of the stuff wasn’t the only thing known to mortally wound a strong angel like themself. “You couldn’t be a bit more original, hm?”

“What’s originality got to do with it?” Ligur questioned, swinging his flaming hand at the angel just to watch them flinch. “As long as I can hurt you, it’s fine!”

Michael ducked to avoid another blow right as Hastur charged at them with the chain. They looked up at Uriel in a panic, shouting “Hey! Back me up, dammit!”

Uriel didn’t need to be told twice. She had a holy weapon, a crossbow and a handsome assortment of arrows, but that would take time she didn’t have to call to hand. It wasn’t like miracling up a mundane object where it appeared spontaneously. So, thinking quickly, she grabbed a sizable rock off the ground and tossed it at Ligur’s head as hard as she could manage. The rock made contact with his temple with a sickening  _ thunk _ and Ligur dropped like a sack of potatoes. The hellfire in his hand sparked and dimmed in intensity, though it didn’t go out all the way. Hastur faltered upon seeing the other demon fall, distracting him just long enough to give Michael ample time to grab him by the forearm and flip him like a coin onto his stomach. His arm twisted in a way no human’s limb could ever manage without snapping and Michael pinned him down by kneeling into the small of his back. Hastur groaned in pain.

“Damn you, Michael!” He leered at them over his shoulder. For extra ego damage, they twisted their foot hard and felt some vertebrae pop out of place.

“Nice!” Uriel grinned, summoning her crossbow. The weight of it in her hand was satisfying, the polished wood of it smooth to the touch, and she slid an arrow into the barrel gracefully.

“Hold still!” She took aim for the back of Ligur’s head as he groggily raised it up to look her way. Everything was going so perfectly, she thought triumphantly, and brought her finger to the trigger. Right as her finger squeezed it, however, Ligur raised his right hand and threw the ball of hellfire he held at her with as much strength as he could muster. The hellfire came in contact with her thigh, singing through the fabric of her white robe and she screamed, misfiring the arrow into his thigh and dropping her bow.

“ _ FUCK _ !” Uriel wailed and clutched the seared flesh of her thigh, falling to her knees.

“Uriel!” Michael gasped. They rushed over to see if the other angel was okay, unconcerned about Hastur given the state of his back and arm. Ligur, too, moaned in pain and attempted to lift himself onto his forearms for a better view of Uriel’s suffering.

“Sucks to suck, doesn’t it, losers?” he teased, Michael glaring daggers into what little of his soul still remained. They summoned to hand a lightning bolt much like what Uriel had made at the start of the fight, this time much larger and brighter. It crackled and flickered like a soaked outlet, sending sparks soaring in all directions. Hastur and Ligur looked at it, then at each other, and knew in that moment they were both royally fucked.

“Go to Hell,” Michael raised the bolt above their head, aiming for the two cowering demons on the ground, “And don’t come back!”

They threw the bolt and for a split second Uriel’s world went white with the flash of it. She opened her eyes a moment later to see a large scorch mark burnt into the ground, along with a noticeable absence of any trace of the two demons that had been there just a second ago.

“Impressive,” Uriel remarked weakly, smiling through tears. The wound on her thigh throbbed and she sobbed out, curling into herself. Her crossbow disappeared from where it lay on the ground.

“Oh, Uriel.” Michael peeled away the burnt, damaged fabric of Uriel’s robe to reveal the other’s injury in its entirety. It was all the way up Uriel’s thigh, just below the hip joint , and they took care to keep the other angel covered as they inspected the damage to her leg. Their eyes were wide with horror and pity, and they took one of Uriel’s hands in their own to comfort her. It was a breach of her personal space but Uriel’s agony was too great for her to want to pull away, so she tried to relax and hold onto Michael’s hand.

“Holy water,” She pointed at the well with a trembling hand, “Please hurry. Hghk--!” The muscles of her thigh spasmed, heated flesh throbbing and starting to peel off. Tears fell down Uriel’s cheeks and she squeezed her eyes shut. “It...hurts...”

Michael scrambled over to the well, pulling up the bucket like their own life depended on it and murmured a quick blessing to the water. The rope attaching the bucket to the pulley system fell off and they brought the bucket back to where their fallen comrade lay.

“This will hurt for a little while,” they murmured, kneeling at Uriel’s side, “but you will be okay.”

“Thank you.”

Michael hummed an acknowledgement and gently, carefully started to pour holy water onto her burn. There was a sizzling sound, a cry of pain from Uriel, and a few seconds later the skin closed up. Where there had once been an ugly, seething gap in the flesh, there was now a mass of blotted scar tissue in its place.

The two did not say anything for a very long time.

“What a mess that was, huh?” Michael remarked flatly, smoothing Uriel’s robes back into place. Their hands were firm, calloused against the sensitive skin of her thigh, and it made her shiver . They looked up at Uriel and, seeing their face was still wet with tears, carefully wiped them away. “Feeling better?”

Uriel’s mouth suddenly went dry and she found herself unable to speak. She nodded.

“Good.” Michael got to their feet and smoothed their robe out. “I think we underestimated those two a lot more than we should have. At least you got a neat scar out of it.”

“Mmhm.” Uriel attempted to stand but found moving her scarred leg in any way was still a bit difficult. Every time she tried to bend her knee to stand, her thigh would spasm painfully and she’d fall back to the ground. She looked up at Michael who immediately extended their hand and helped her up.

“Woah!” Putting any sort of pressure on that leg, as it turned out, was painful enough to make her feel dizzy. She found herself holding onto Michael’s shoulder for support. “Shit! If I ever see those two demons again I’m dousing the both of them in the strongest holy water I can get. No questions asked.”

“We really shouldn’t have engaged in that fight.” Michael sighed miserably. “Look where it got us. Gabriel’s going to be furious we didn’t simply kill those two on sight.”

“Yeah.” Unconsciously Uriel leaned into their side and Michael reciprocated, slipping a hand around her waist to help her stand straighter. “But let’s worry about getting back up there first and foremost.  _ Fuck _ , my leg hurts  _ so much _ .”

Michael was silent for a while. “You’ll be alright,” They said finally, and with a wave of their hand, the two were back up in Heaven.

  
  
  


At the time, the amount of physical contact between her and Michael during that affair hadn’t really done much to Uriel emotionally. She’d been in too much pain to properly register the encounter as anything more than platonic comradery, so it was only in the aftermath that she understood just how intimate Michael had been with her back on Earth . It was, she realized, the first time she’d ever been held by another being, and oh, how  _ nice _ it had been in retrospect! She found herself wanting it more and more until it drove her insane but had, for the most part, done a good job of repressing it. She had a reputation to uphold, after all, and going about trying to be all touchy-feely with a fellow Archangel was not a good look on her.

“So,” Gabriel was seated across from Uriel as she rubbed out the taut, damaged muscle of her thigh through her clothing. Because the burn had been treated with holy water of such a low grade--in Michael’s defense, they’d been in too big of a rush to bless it any further--there was still a sufficient amount of damage to the flesh and underlying muscle tissue, and thus required a bit of extra care. It had messed with Uriel’s ability to walk for a while as well, requiring her to use a cane as an aid, but thankfully at the moment she could leave it resting against her desk, unused. “You said Ligur threw  _ hellfire _ at you? That’s...definitely not something I’d have expected from a Duke.”

“I didn’t see it coming either. Wish we hadn’t underestimated them so much or else I might be walking straight.” Uriel winced when she accidentally pressed down on a particularly tender spot. “I tried to shoot at his head with my crossbow and missed because of the damn stuff. Managed to hit him in the ass, though, so that’s something.”

Gabriel laughed. “Well, congratulations for that. You also told me Michael used some holy water on the burn you sustained.”

“They did. That’s where the scarring came from.” Uriel smiled fondly. “Drew some nearby well-water and blessed it for me on the spot. It was kind of them, really. Michael even told me they thought the scarring was cool.”

Gabriel paused, looking for a moment at where the other angel was rubbing out their leg muscles. “They saw the wound directly? Like, all the way up your leg?”

Uriel felt her cheeks go hot as she remembered how gently Michael had moved her robe up, just enough to expose the wound and keep her covered at the same time. “Um...yes?” How else was Michael supposed to treat the injury if they couldn’t even see the damn thing?

“Uriel,” The other Archangel looked at her disapprovingly, “With how far up that injury was, you realize it’s considered indecent exposure to let her see any skin there, right?”

Uriel stared back blankly. “You mean to tell me that I shouldn’t have let her see the burn, even though it was at  _ least _ the size of my hand and would have seriously messed up my leg had she not treated it?”

“I’m just saying injury is no excuse for revealing yourself to a fellow angel.” Gabriel explained defensively, hands up. “Michael mentioned it to me offhandedly, but I didn’t realize...well. In retrospect I think theysounded rather uncomfortable about it at the time. I’m sure they aren’t terribly upset with you but I do believe an apology is in order.”

Uriel swallowed, suddenly feeling as guilty as she’d ever been.

“Right.” She forced a sheepish smile. “My mistake, then. I will let Michael know I've recognized my error and am sorry.”

“Wonderful!” Gabriel praised, giving her a pat on the shoulder. “I’m sure they will be grateful. You’re so good to everyone, you know. Really, I wish I could get some of the underlings to be as pliant as you.”

Uriel laughed nervously. “Yeah, those guys can be a real pain in the ass, can’t they?”

Gabriel laughed too and left her with that, the door to her office swinging shut behind him. She watched him go, massaging the scarred leg with less pressure now, and as the automatic lock clicked into place she began to feel terrible. Uriel wondered whether the other mundane touches she and Michael had shared were considered indecent, if any of those had also made them feel uneasy; was it wrong for her to lean on them for support? And what about holding their hand when the pain was too much to bear? It was like all there was for Uriel to do was hide under the desk and await the sweet release of discorporation. Everything felt so overwhelming, her shame making the sides of her face burn more intensely than her leg, and so all she could muster the will to do for the next several minutes was sit numbly in her seat, staring off into nothing.

The idea of confronting Michael made her stomach turn, so now Uriel felt as though there had to be some other means of apologizing that didn’t involve seeing them face-to-face. Eventually, though, it dawned on her; she could show her reverence through avoiding Michael at all costs again so she’d never have another opportunity to make some minor infraction of the celestial social rules and make them feel uneasy. After that, she did not leave her office unless absolutely necessary, miracling to hand anything she could possibly need or asking Sandalphon to get it for her. If ever there was a moment she did need to leave, she made sure to check the outside thoroughly for any trace of Michael, just so there was no chance of an accidental run it. It worked, and it went perfectly! Uriel was incredibly proud of her ingenuity.

She did eventually see Michael some time after that. In fact, Uriel saw them a handful of times since the talk with Gabriel, and she was proud to admit that not once had she even looked their way, save for whenever Michael wasn’t focused on their immediate direction. Upon seeing the Archangel across the hallway one morning on an errand to the printer, Uriel immediately turned away from them and hurried her pace, hoping the other angel wouldn’t try to get her attention. Unfortunately, however, Michael seemed to have other plans as indicated by a sharp tug on Uriel’s blazer sleeve a moment later.

“Hey!” Uriel whipped her head around and looked at Michael like a deer in headlights. The other angel immediately pulled her hand away. “Good Lord, Uriel, why are you so jumpy? This is the first time I’ve seen you in ages. Is something the matter?”

“Nope!” Uriel insisted. “Just a bit late for a meeting, that’s all!”

Michael looked her up and down skeptically. “Don’t you usually go to meetings with a briefcase in hand?”

“It’s, um…” Uriel realized two things in that moment. One, Michael’s lipstick was a  _ really _ nice shade of gold . Two, she obviously didn’t have a real meeting to go to. She was simply making a run to the printer, which means she’d lied just now. Time to backtrack. “It’s a personal affair. Don’t worry about it!”

“You’ve been distant lately. It’s so unlike you.” The other angel tilted their head to the side slightly. “How’s your leg doing?”

The mention of Uriel’s leg was enough for everything she’d been bottling up to come pouring out.

“I apologize!” she blurted, falling to her knees, “Gabriel told me I’d made you uncomfortable when you were fixing up my leg and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since!”

Michael looked confused. “He... _ what _ ?”

Uriel continued, “when you had to see the injury, because it was so far up my leg it was practically on my pelvis. He said it was indecent exposure.” She’d never felt this ashamed in her entire life. This was the polar opposite of how she tried to conduct herself normally, such a far cry from her quiet and professional persona, and surely she could sense a terrible discomfort radiating off the other Archangel’s form. “I apologize for my actions, Michael. It was horribly inappropriate of me.”

Michael did not say anything for a long while. “You said it was  _ Gabriel _ who put that idea in your head?”

Uriel nodded miserably. The other angel sighed, muttering something that sounded vaguely like ‘that idiot’.

“Good Lord. He’s a special kind of menace, that one.” Michael assured her. “It’s all well and good, I promise. I’m not mad at you.”

The warm, fuzzy feeling came back with a vengeance and suddenly Uriel found it hard to function. “Oh! Um, thank you very much!” She said, uncharacteristically stumbling over her words. The other angel looked a bit confused.

“It’s not an issue, really.” They insisted. Uriel’s joy didn’t falter a bit, and she had to hastily excuse herself before she managed to step out of line again.


	2. anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to my lovely friends over in AnnaTheHank's good omens fanfic authors discord!! without you all, I wouldn't have been inspired to write this. you lot are incredible!

Her feelings were really becoming a problem now.

Given that there were only four Archangels to keep the entirety of Heaven’s shit together, Uriel began to run into Michael a lot more lately. Each and every time it happened, that stupid warm feeling would come back and make working with them much harder than it needed to be. It was now hard to look Michael in the eyes, even harder to bring them papers and stay with them in private for small meetings, and worst of all hard to concentrate on anything but them even when Michael themselves was nowhere to be seen! The worst part of all, however, was that Uriel understood the origin of those feelings now and every time it came across her she felt sick with guilt.

The pieces had clicked into place in the sixteenth century during a meeting with Gabriel and Sandalphon, during which the three trailed slightly off topic and Uriel spaced out.

“...yes, I’ve heard it’s becoming a real hit with the humans lately.” Sandalphon remarked.

“Romantic literature? And what’s that got to do with promoting Heaven?” Gabriel asked.

“Well! You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve sent a few underlings to Earth undercover, and they gave me some very useful information on exactly that!” Sandalphon remarked proudly. “As it turns out, humans take their courting procedures very seriously. It’s a very emotionally heavy experience, and so chasing that emotional high can become addictive for some individuals.”

“And? What do any of these petty little things have to do with promoting the good of Heaven?”

Uriel hummed, pretending to follow along with the conversation.

“Well,” Sandalphon continued, “Humans have a tendency to chase things that bring them the most pleasure, love being one of them. They go crazy with it. Surely there must be some way to use that to our advantage.” He made a face. “Hell has certainly got its uses for sex and love, so we may as well come up with our own.”

“It’s an interesting suggestion.” Uriel remarked, finally a bit more focused on the matter at hand. Sandalphon looked proud of himself. It occurred to her then that she knew of love between humans as a concept but didn’t know much about it aside from that. It wasn’t like she made an effort to routinely study their behaviors, after all. “What do humans even do when they love another one, anyway?”

Sandalphon made a sound roughly equivalent to ‘fuck if I know’. “Not our forte,” He responded, shrugging. “Angels aren’t built to fall in love with one another, after all. As for humans, though, I do know they tend to get...physical with one another.” He pulled another face.

Uriel, like all other living bits of Creation were at some point or the next, was fully aware of how the reproductive process worked. She didn’t really understand the appeal of it; it sounded painful and awkward, and that made her grateful not to have any obligation to have offspring. “Well, no shit. They have to repopulate somehow. How much more physical could it get outside of fornicating, though?”

“Well, there’s kissing, for starters.” Gabriel looked like he’d rather be anywhere else than having this conversation. “Humans are really into that. I think they do it to see if their spit is compatible for mating, or something like that.”

Uriel cringed at the mental image  _ that _ gave her.

“I’m not so sure if that’s right,” Sandalphon piped up. “Not that I’m an expert or anything, but the few times I’ve ever actually seen a kiss--it was during minor field work, if that’s of any relevance--have actually been relatively chaste. Just a quick peck on the lips and then it’s over.”

Huh. That was a bit less disgusting than what she’d had in mind. Uriel felt some of the tension in her shoulders dissipate.

“That’s so strange. It must be nice for them if it’s something they like that much.” She remarked offhandedly. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“Right,” He said sarcastically. “Personally, that sounds revolting to me. Mouth-to-mouth contact can’t be sanitary in the slightest, and besides, imagine how awkward it must be!”

“Right!” Parotted Sandalphon, shaking his head. “Humans! I’ll never quite understand them.”

The three of them laughed about it, although Uriel’s sounded a bit more forced than everyone else’s. Something about what they were saying wasn’t sitting right with her for whatever reason, and she couldn’t point why.

“How do humans even know if they love one another?” She asked without really thinking. The other two angels shared a look and burst out laughing.

“You’re asking the wrong angels, Uriel!” Gabriel said. “Maybe see the Department of Human Affairs for that one, although I couldn’t see why you’d want to!”

Uriel’s eyes widened. Of course! How had she not thought of that sooner? The Department of Human Affairs had a whole library containing all manners of pamphlets and books on humankind’s history and behavior. The Archangels consulted them frequently to see what sort of means of promoting good would psychologically appeal to human beings the most. “Oh, right! I’ll stop by there after this, then.” The other two Archangels looked at her a bit strangely. “For research, of course. If we want to use their vulnerabilities to help them, of course, it would be great to know how those vulnerabilities work in the first place.”

Gabriel smiled approvingly. “Great idea, Uriel! Let us know what you come up with.”

Uriel smiled and could not have been more relieved when the meeting finally came to a close and hastily made her way downstairs to the Department of Human Affairs’ library.

A petite-looking angel sat behind the reception desk, their bored face pointed down into a book whose title Uriel could not see. Much like the rest of Heaven, the library was a sterile white, filled wall-to-wall with books of a similar color. Pearl, quartz, cream, and vanilla leather covers were packed into the shelves like sardines, the only thing differentiating them being the stark black of the wording on their spines.

“Hello.” Uriel stepped up to the reception desk. The angel seated behind it looked up and their dark eyes went wide upon seeing who it was. “I am here to do some research and would like to borrow a few guides.”

She was an Archangel. Of  _ course _ they wouldn’t mind.

“Of course, most holy Archangel Uriel! What are you looking for?” Asked the receptionist with a sugar-sweet voice.

“Anything concerning the nature of romantic love between human beings.” Uriel replied flatly. She peered at the name tag pinned to the lapel of the other angel’s blazer and saw that it read ‘Ariel’.

“Certainly. If you’ll excuse me for just a moment...” Ariel picked up a very thick book on their desk labelled ‘Inventory’ and began to flip through it. It must have been several hundreds of pages long, written entirely in condensed blocks of 8 point font. It contained the names of every single reference manual contained within the Department’s library, along with where one could find them. Ariel leafed through several hundreds of pages until they found what they were looking for. “You’ll find what you’re looking for over that way. Aisle seventeen, under the author names Ro-Se.” They pointed off in a direction and Uriel nodded in acknowledgement.

“I appreciate it.” She said flatly and curtly turned on her heel to see what the Department had to offer her. There didn’t appear to be any other angels in the area, which was nice. Something about being alone made her feel better about what she was about to do. Uriel eyed the signs posted to the sides of each aisle, indicating their number in bold black letters: aisles one, two, three, four…

Here it was. Aisle seventeen.

There was a lingering feeling of taboo to this situation. Uriel felt kind of uncomfortable being here, despite it having been her decision to come in the first place. There was also, however, a strange thrill to it knowing she was about to research a topic most would consider inappropriate. The section of books with author names Ro-Se was on the very bottom shelf, so she dropped through her knees and began to look. The titles alone were enough to bring an awkward blush to her face, including some with ‘sexuality’ explicitly in the title and a number of books detailing the history of romance in a number of human civilizations. It was a little silly, but Uriel couldn’t help but feel awkward looking at it all, and so in the end she wound up blindly grabbing two of them. She hastily abandoned that section of the library and made her way to the front where Ariel waited patiently for her return.

“You’re back.” They remarked with a friendly smile. “What did you pick out?”

Uriel wordlessly handed over the two books she’d selected to the other angel. They looked it over and for a quick second Uriel could see surprise cross their face before returning to neutral.

“Good choices, both of these. They were written by one of our most accomplished and intelligent researchers, so I’m sure whatever these are for will go over swell! Let me just check them out for you real quick--”

“Don’t.” Uriel interrupted them.

“Um...I’m sorry?”

“I don’t want there to be any record of me having these.” Uriel leaned over the reception desk and said in a low voice, looking Ariel dead in the eyes. “Not a one. If anyone asks, these books are still in the library. Does that sound all well and good with you?”

The temperature of the room dropped a couple degrees.

Ariel’s eyes widened in fear and she recoiled into her chair. “Well...um. It’s sort of against the Department’s policy to let anyone take books from here without proof of it first, so--”

“I’m the Archangel fucking Uriel, honey. I think you can make an exception for me.” Uriel practically bore a hole in the other’s very essence, her expression stone-cold and intimidating as anyone in Heaven could manage. Ariel stammered, attempting to get a coherent sentence out, before finally giving up with a sigh.

“Right. I apologize for inconveniencing you.” Ariel said and handed her books back. Uriel smiled pleasantly.

“I accept your apology.” Her voice was much more singsong now and the room regained some of its temperature. “Thank you for your service to the Department of Human Affairs.”

And with that, Uriel cooly left the Department’s library, leaving a very frightened and dumbfounded Ariel behind her.

  
  
  


Uriel could not have possibly made it to her office faster than she did.

Once inside, the door locked itself tightly, the blinds dropped, and the lamp turned on. Her hands were shaking as she gently placed the two books on the desk and she very nearly abandoned the endeavor as soon as she saw the titles.

“Fundamentals of Human Sexuality” and “Psychology Behind Human Love”, both written by some underling named Sarandiel.

How wonderful.

‘If Gabriel caught me with this stuff and I hadn’t given him an excuse earlier, he would  _ never _ let me hear the end of it.’

Uriel closed her eyes, took a deep breath, sat down in her office chair, and began with her “research”. She had the decency to start with the second book, pulling up a notepad and pen to take a general outline of the contents as she read, but found herself lost in the guide’s content almost as soon as she opened the first page.

Time drawled on and Uriel was ignorant to every passing second. The only thing on her mind now was the contents of these books, and God’s truth, they were  _ so _ much more interesting than she’d ever thought they’d be. In Heaven, love as a concept was common knowledge. Angels were built for it, after all. They were not, however, built for  _ falling in _ love, which turned out to be another concept entirely. The way Gabriel and Sandalphon had talked about the idea had made it seem so trivial and silly, like romantic love was just a concept the Almighty had imposed on them as some sick joke to make them slaves to emotion. As it turned out, however, there was another side to romance that, when Uriel actually gave it some thought, had a lot of qualities that made it incredibly useful to their survival.

From how Sarandiel had worded it, romantic love did indeed have the potential to become the centerpiece of a human’s life. It was triggered by a very strong rush of chemicals to a human’s brain as a response to seeing another human, and most times those chemicals became borderline addictive to the human in love. The feeling was said to be so intense that humans could get sick off them, rendered unable to function at times by their own brains. The feelings of what Uriel now knew to be ‘infatuation’ made humans obsessed with their person(s) of interest, to the extent that some made the focus of their lives pleasing their desired person no matter what it took. It sounded like a horrible design flaw at first, until Uriel got to the part describing what happened after that.

Infatuation, when experienced by two humans holding the other as their object of interest, was a powerful thing that brought a pair together and kept them that way for a while. After a period of months or so, however, the intensity of the feelings would wane into something more mild. Sarandiel himself could only describe it as a strong warmth paired with a desire to remain with that person forever and likened it to how angels felt for the Almighty, in fewer words and without the borderline blasphemy, of course. It was such a strange concept to Uriel, particularly because that level of emotional intimacy was entirely unheard of in angelic society. The only entity any of them felt such a deep sense of devotion towards was the Almighty.

At the end of her reading, the word that Uriel now associated with this kind of love was “fidelity”. It was truly a beautiful thing, she thought; two humans enjoy one another so very much that they stuck by one another’s sides for the rest of their lives. What an interesting place Heaven could be, were angels given the same capacity for such a thing! If angels could feel deeper, more vibrant loyalties and enjoyments of one another, workplace relations would increase and make Heaven a much more...well,  _ Heavenly _ place. She rested her chin on her arm and let her mind wander, entertaining the idea until something occurred to her.

Surely, there had to be a reason angels couldn’t love like this.

‘Just think,’ Uriel mused, ‘If angels were such emotional creatures, we wouldn’t get anything done!’ She could see it now; angels rendered useless because their designated object of affection worked right beside them, breakups going poorly and creating an awkward work environment, workers too distracted by their beloveds to get their work done properly…

Yes, in the end it was truly a good thing the Almighty hadn’t given them the ability to fall in love.

...And yet, the idea of it sparked a strange warmth in Uriel’s stomach. She wasn’t sure why, but she did know wishful thinking was not a good way of spending her brain power, so she pushed the thought out of her mind and decided to power through the rest of the book.

That did not help in the slightest with keeping the thoughts out of her mind.

By the end of the book, she’d grown to realize she quite liked the idea of romance, actually. There were certainly cons to it, sure, but everything had one or two of those. She was being silly and she knew it, but here in the darkness of her office she at least had some semblance of privacy to entertain such a fantasy as a world in which love existed for her. She wondered absently who, if anyone, Gabriel for example might choose to court. Or Sandalphon. Or Michael.

...Actually, the concept of Michael ever falling in love with anyone made her suddenly feel very angry and jealous. The strength of her jealousy surprised her and was followed immediately by guilt. Angels weren’t supposed to get  _ jealous _ . Angels weren’t supposed to be thinking of this sort of thing at all! Uriel’s stomach twisted and she laid her head down on the desk.

‘Oh, Lord,’ She thought miserably, ‘What is wrong with me?’

  
  
  


She came to her conclusion a short time later: she hated Michael.

The realization hit her after her next meeting with Sandalphon and Gabriel, in which she was told to present the “research” she’s promised to bring last time. Uriel had spent a solid hour before that meeting bullshitting an actual plan to present in order to get more humans on board with remaining loyal to Heaven, and the best part was, they loved it.

“Brilliant idea, Uriel!” Gabriel smiled at her approvingly. “I can tell you put a lot of effort into this. Wonderful job!”

Uriel smiled and hoped to someone he wouldn’t realize that half the things she had to say she’d come up with on the fly.

“Why don’t you bring Michael up here to discuss this with them as well?” Sandalphon suggested. “They’re downstairs negotiating some contract with Lord Beelzebub. I think they’d want to hear about this as well.”

The mention of Michael made Uriel feel tense. “Of course,” She tried to maintain her calm exterior. “I’ll be back within fifteen minutes.”

The passage between Heaven and Hell is a lot shorter than most people would assume. All it takes to get there from Heaven is heading down a few flights of stairs, then an elevator ride down to the lowest possible basement level there is . Uriel made the trip with minimal issue, the only unusual thing being a sudden tremor in her hands that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard she willed it to. When she pushed the button for the right floor on the elevator, she noticed her palms were slick with sweat and wiped them on her trousers hastily. It had been a while since she’d last made a trip down to Hell, so she chalked it up to nerves.

_ Ding _ .

The bell of the elevator rang out and the doors slid apart. Immediately Uriel’s nose was assaulted by some offensive odor, like burnt rubber and half-rotted flesh. She cringed, before remembering that she had to maintain a certain countenance while she was down here, and thus away with her disgust before setting out to find Michael.

She expected to find the angel off in the farthest corners of Hell somewhere, quietly and stoically talking over some contract of sorts with Lord Beelzebub in zir throne room. Where she did not expect to find them, however, was directly around the next corner, chatting it up with a certain pair of demons. It took a good few seconds for Uriel to muster up something to say, but once the words came to her...

“Michael! What are you doing with  _ them _ ?!” She demanded, appalled. Michael and the two demons looked over at her, unfazed.

“You look familiar.” Ligur remarked casually. “D’we know you from somewhere?”

“You do,” Michael reminded him gently, “Don’t you remember Uriel?”

Hastur and Ligur exchanged a look of realization.

“Oh!” Hastur grinned wickedly. “I remember ‘er now! Ligur put a hole in yer leg that one time, didn’t he?” 

Uriel’s vision went dark at the edges and in a matter of seconds, her crossbow manifested in her hands. She aimed for Hastur’s head and he shrieked, ducking behind Ligur for cover only for the pair to get into a shoving match over who’d get shot first.

“Uriel!” Scolded Michael, stepping between her and the demons. “Put the bow away, this is neutral ground! What on Earth is wrong with you?!”

“What’s wrong with  _ you _ ?!” Uriel snapped back. “You’re...you’re... _ fraternizing _ with the demons that tried to kill us a few centuries ago! What the fuck?! I thought you were down here on legitimate business reasons!”

“It is not  _ fraternizing _ ! I  _ am _ here on legitimate business reasons!” The other angel retorted.

“Oh, sure you are! I thought you and Lord Beelzebub were discussing a contract!”

“Uriel, please.” Michael looked at her in exasperation. “This is  _ not _ the right place for this sort of conversation--”

“I’d be much more inclined to believe that if the two of you were somewhere more private than a fucking hallway to begin with!”

By this point, a large number of demons had begun to crowd around the bends of the hallway, watching the argument unfold while safely avoiding the angels’ wrath. Uriel felt their stares burn into her neck, heard them whispering and jeering among one another, and felt her hold on her temper start to slip away. Two angels, going at it in the middle of Hell. What a sight they must have been.

“What’s your problem?!” Michael looked ready to smack her senseless. Ligur and Hastur watched on with amusement. “And what are you even doing here, anyway? Did Gabriel send you?”

“As a matter of fact, he did.” The other angel looked at them smugly. Some part of her registered vaguely the fact that she was being irrational, but that wasn’t enough to stop her.

“You know what,” Michael raised their voice, their tone pointedly much calmer than it was before with just enough passive-aggressiveness sprinkled in to tell any and every demon listening in to kindly  _ fuck off _ . “I believe it’s time for us to take our leave. Upstairs needs us, after all. Hastur, Ligur. Lovely seeing you both again.” They smiled sweetly at the pair, who returned the look with something of a blend between awe and almost well-masked terror.

“Yeah, alright,” Ligur backed off from them slowly, “Don’t slip on something on yer way out. Or do, I don’t give a shit.”

He and Hastur laughed, and then they were gone. Uriel and Michael exchanged a look and began to head for the elevator.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Michael snapped as soon as they were out of earshot of any passers-by. “I was  _ busy _ !”

Uriel rolled her eyes. “Oh  _ really _ .” She retorted coldly. “I’ll bet you were! I was only following orders from Gabriel coming down here, you know. I couldn’t give a shit either way what it is you’re doing as long as it’s not  _ treason _ .”

“Don’t talk about my work like I’m some underling!” Snapped Michael. “You are absolutely unbelievable, you know that?”

“ _ You _ can’t believe  _ me _ !” Uriel stopped only when she was finally at the elevator’s button control system and pressed the one for Earth’s ground floor, the limbo between Heaven and Hell they’d have to take to get back upstairs. “May I remind you just what that little meeting you got out of just now looks like from an outside perspective? I’ve got reason to be mad at you, you two-timing bitch!”

The elevator  _ ding _ ed, the doors sliding open to reveal an empty car, much to Uriel’s relief. She looked over her shoulder to find Michael glowering at her, looking furious as they’d ever been, and without warning they grabbed her by the lapels of her jacket and shoved her against the back wall of the elevator.

“You really piss me off.” They said, leering at Uriel with their teeth bared. Their nose was but an inch or two away from the other angel’s face. “You’re throwing assumptions around with nothing to support it. How dare you accuse me, a fucking  _ Archangel _ , of treason in the middle of Hell? Are you insane?”

“Socializing with two demons out in the open like that isn’t exactly a good look on you, either, to be fair.”

Michael pursed their lips. “I-- that’s--”

It was at that moment when both angels realized just what sort of position they were in, with Uriel pinned against the wall and the other angel’s face dangerously close to her own. The elevator felt a lot more cramped and stuffy all of a sudden and Michael let her go with a final harsh shove. Wordlessly, Uriel let herself lay back against the elevator cart as the other pressed the button for the floor, their back to her.

“After we get back upstairs,” They said as the door slid shut, and the car began to move upwards, “I don’t care what you need me for. Don’t bother me, and don’t talk to me.”

“...Right. Whatever.”

Uriel found she could not, for the life of her, look at Michael properly for the entire duration of the ride.

‘I hate you.’ She thought, wrapping her arms around herself and biting back her anger.

To say it was an awkward ride up was quite the understatement.


End file.
